word for word..
I'm done hoping..
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Rather The Truth
"I don't wanna know. If you're playing me, keep it on the low. 'Cause my heart can't take it anymore" - Mario
How i wish these lines would apply to me. How I wish I was the type who would happily live in the comfort of lies and secrets. Sadly, I'm not. I would rather be hurt by the truth. At least then, I can find reason to forgive.
All those people who lie and keep things and justify it by saying they were scared you'd be mad are either dumb cowards or stupid jerks. ^_^ Sorry for the term, but hell that reason is just plain bullshit. If they knew you would be mad, they shouldn't be doing it in the 1st place or if they really want to anyways, they should have the balls to stick by their actions.
Truth in life is, even if we hope in the goodness of people, some of them will disappoint us. Some will break our hearts. Some will make a huge difference in our soul.
I had been betrayed,lied to and cheated on at different moments in my life. I have given my trust and love to wrong guys. I have given faith and hope only to get myself disappointed.
I am a pessimist. The world around me and my experiences made me this way.
But I am still hopeful. despite having doubts I always hope to be proven wrong.
But, when exactly should you stop hoping?
How can you differentiate hope from being in denial or being just plain stupid?
How will you be able to know which is which?
How i wish these lines would apply to me. How I wish I was the type who would happily live in the comfort of lies and secrets. Sadly, I'm not. I would rather be hurt by the truth. At least then, I can find reason to forgive.
All those people who lie and keep things and justify it by saying they were scared you'd be mad are either dumb cowards or stupid jerks. ^_^ Sorry for the term, but hell that reason is just plain bullshit. If they knew you would be mad, they shouldn't be doing it in the 1st place or if they really want to anyways, they should have the balls to stick by their actions.
Truth in life is, even if we hope in the goodness of people, some of them will disappoint us. Some will break our hearts. Some will make a huge difference in our soul.
I had been betrayed,lied to and cheated on at different moments in my life. I have given my trust and love to wrong guys. I have given faith and hope only to get myself disappointed.
I am a pessimist. The world around me and my experiences made me this way.
But I am still hopeful. despite having doubts I always hope to be proven wrong.
But, when exactly should you stop hoping?
How can you differentiate hope from being in denial or being just plain stupid?
How will you be able to know which is which?
Friday, February 10, 2012
02112012
When the cut runs deep
They say time heals all wounds. But isn't it that scars still hurt every now and then when the cut's too deep?
I would like to believe that I can forget the moment he left me saying it's not working out. That I can forget that moment when I saw his profile picture change into a face of a familiar girl. Or even try to believe his reasons why he chose to break my heart. Yes, I would like to believe I can. I have been struggling to.
Some days it's good. It's as if everything is normal. I get happy and giddy. I smile, laugh and talk like any girl in love does. But then it happens, that cold rush of air. It may be a small detail, a familiar scene, a statement or maybe a face. It hits me, the hurt I felt before. No, it's not the same pain, but it's there... exactly where he stabbed my heart. Then it all starts crumbling down. I get reminded of how I almost died. Then I would look at him thinking how much he does not deserve this chance I have given him. Sometimes I catch myself hating him, more so myself.
I'm beginning to think it's silly to even actually believe that time will heal my wound completely. It's been over a year and I'm starting to feel hopeless. Lonely as I try to hide it from everybody body else. They would only think I'm a drama queen, fussing over what happened a year ago. And so, I just shake it off.
How long does it really take for a wound to heal? Or should I be asking if it would ever really heal?
They say time heals all wounds. But isn't it that scars still hurt every now and then when the cut's too deep?
I would like to believe that I can forget the moment he left me saying it's not working out. That I can forget that moment when I saw his profile picture change into a face of a familiar girl. Or even try to believe his reasons why he chose to break my heart. Yes, I would like to believe I can. I have been struggling to.
Some days it's good. It's as if everything is normal. I get happy and giddy. I smile, laugh and talk like any girl in love does. But then it happens, that cold rush of air. It may be a small detail, a familiar scene, a statement or maybe a face. It hits me, the hurt I felt before. No, it's not the same pain, but it's there... exactly where he stabbed my heart. Then it all starts crumbling down. I get reminded of how I almost died. Then I would look at him thinking how much he does not deserve this chance I have given him. Sometimes I catch myself hating him, more so myself.
I'm beginning to think it's silly to even actually believe that time will heal my wound completely. It's been over a year and I'm starting to feel hopeless. Lonely as I try to hide it from everybody body else. They would only think I'm a drama queen, fussing over what happened a year ago. And so, I just shake it off.
How long does it really take for a wound to heal? Or should I be asking if it would ever really heal?
01192012
Today I asked God to take control over my life. I'm tired of getting hurt for the same reasons. It gets heavy when you feel the burden and you have no one to share it with. I feel lonely in this battle. As much as I want to build my trust, it breaks at the same cracks I was trying to fix.
Not that I don't get you. Trust me I do. I even know that you regret spending the night here arguing and you only getting a couple of hours sleep before your exam. I even know why you don't like spending so much time with me. I get that you don't want drama. I get that you need time for yourself too.
But how is it fair when I feel like I'm the only one fighting to build my trust in you again. How is it fair when the stabbing pain in my heart feels so breakingly real? It's nothing but unnecessary drama for you. My doubts and fears, they are abstract to you. No matter how i describe and let you see the reality of it, you remain clueless on what it is. In your eyes and heart,it remains, as in your terms, bs.
yes, my mind knows it is not fair. My heart but screams otherwise. How can it be fair when you're playing the same cards you played me the last time I lost. I showed you mine before. I gave you everything thinking we were on the same team. But you doubled me. You turned your back and left me. So tell me, how can I give you everything this time around?
To build my cards of trust I need to bet my heart on you again. I want to. But I can't.
So today. I'm letting God take me to where I should be. Whether it is to walk away from you or give you my heart, I don't know. I asked him to take care of my heart. Take me where no heartaches await. This time, I won't let my heart or mind rule. God will give me all the signs I need. I just need to close my eyes and trust His lead.
Not that I don't get you. Trust me I do. I even know that you regret spending the night here arguing and you only getting a couple of hours sleep before your exam. I even know why you don't like spending so much time with me. I get that you don't want drama. I get that you need time for yourself too.
But how is it fair when I feel like I'm the only one fighting to build my trust in you again. How is it fair when the stabbing pain in my heart feels so breakingly real? It's nothing but unnecessary drama for you. My doubts and fears, they are abstract to you. No matter how i describe and let you see the reality of it, you remain clueless on what it is. In your eyes and heart,it remains, as in your terms, bs.
yes, my mind knows it is not fair. My heart but screams otherwise. How can it be fair when you're playing the same cards you played me the last time I lost. I showed you mine before. I gave you everything thinking we were on the same team. But you doubled me. You turned your back and left me. So tell me, how can I give you everything this time around?
To build my cards of trust I need to bet my heart on you again. I want to. But I can't.
So today. I'm letting God take me to where I should be. Whether it is to walk away from you or give you my heart, I don't know. I asked him to take care of my heart. Take me where no heartaches await. This time, I won't let my heart or mind rule. God will give me all the signs I need. I just need to close my eyes and trust His lead.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
